Broken Heart

This week I am making leaves. Lots and lots of leaves. Trying to get a head start on the pins I need to make for some shows coming up in the spring. Don't be impressed by my seemingly incredible time management skills- really it's just that I am having a hard time focusing and being creative lately, and so I figure I might as well just do some mindless hand sewing and at least get something done. I feel so darned unproductive lately.

My daughter leaves for college on the 23rd. I am trying my best to just not think about it, I have pretty successfully just pushed it out of my mind. Denial is a beautiful thing, folks. I think I will probably wait to have my mental breakdown after she leaves, so she doesn't have to see it. Adjusting to being away from home for the first time is enough for her, I don't want her to worry about me. Does anyone have any advice for me, because honestly, I feel like my world is about to fall apart, and there's nothing I can do about it. I am happy for her, I know she is ready to fly. I know that I've done my job in raising her well, and now the next part of my job is letting her go. I am trying to focus on the positive, that it means more time for me to spend with my younger daughter (who I am sure has sometimes felt she was in her older sister's shadow), and there will be more time to devote to my work. But it's still so, so hard.

Last week, I met up with the mom of one of my daughter's childhood friends, we hadn't seen each other for years. Her daughter left for college today. She said she felt she had been mourning this day for the last 2 years. Yes, she understands it, and I don't feel so alone in my sadness. And yet, loneliness is something I fear a lot. I worry more about me than my daughter. I know she'll be fine. Me, I'm not so sure about....