Dark to Light

Today it is cold and windy and rainy and dark- which is OK, because it fits my mood right now.

Lately, I have had this vague feeling of hopelessness, which last night seemed to have cemented itself to my being. I just cannot seem to shake this feeling that nothing really matters. I have not been able to watch or listen to the news for weeks. When a political ad comes on the TV, I change the channel. I cannot even enjoy my "refuge" of the FoodNetwork and HGTV, usually free of those kinds of ads, because there are political ads there, now, too. It seems there is no escape. And so now the answer is that I cannot have the TV on, or listen to the radio, or read the newspaper. My world is getting smaller and smaller. Everything just seems so depressing, and not just the politics. It seems that we have just lost our way, it seems harder and harder to find truth and goodness in our society. It seems that anything goes- as long as it makes you "happy" then it's OK to go ahead and do it. Nothing is sacred- not our words or promises, not our relationships or our bodies.

Usually I am able to use bad news as an opportunity for prayer- I used to be able to pray for issues and people as I heard about them or read about them. But lately, that is difficult for me. I feel like I have been swallowed up by a "why bother?" attitude- it seems that praying does no good. While I know God is here and I know deep within me that He cares and He is soveriegn and in control of every situation, there is a part of me here in the day-to-day that doubts. I want to run and hide, to immerse myself in my own world and not come out.

I know that the answer to this is to do exactly the opposite of what I feel like doing: the more I feel like hiding, the more I need to run to the light. The more I feel like secluding myself from the world, the more I need to get out and help others and be a part of the solution. I wonder if this isn't part of my problem- I can pray and pray and pray for situations, which is good and God wants me to do- but I also have to do what I can to be part of the solution. God calls me to be His hands and feet here on the earth, and I must admit that lately I have fallen miserably short on that calling. It really is a vicious cycle- I am selfish, so I am not part of the good in the world, so I do not see what is good, so I feel hopeless and helpless, so I figure "why bother?", and so I am more selfish......

I know that I have not been called to be Mother Teresa, to sell everything I own to live in poverty. But surely I have been called to more than just living in my own little world. Today I am dropping off a donation at the local food bank. And I am calling someone whose life I really don't feel like getting involved in, but I know needs a lot of support right now. And I am praying, praying for what seems to be the most hopeless situations, with faith that if I never see the answer, God has heard my prayers and has answered in ways I may never know.


Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Worry says, "God is a wimp." Casting says, "God is all powerful." J. Jay Sanders

The LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Love bore our sins away;
Love gave us life anew;
Love opened wide the gates of heaven;
Love gave us work to do.
Ruth A. Atwell

Today as my remedy, I won't run away from the pain but I run to God. I embrace His promises, even though sometimes those promises seem hard for me to believe. I choose the Light.