Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Dark to Light

Today it is cold and windy and rainy and dark- which is OK, because it fits my mood right now.

Lately, I have had this vague feeling of hopelessness, which last night seemed to have cemented itself to my being. I just cannot seem to shake this feeling that nothing really matters. I have not been able to watch or listen to the news for weeks. When a political ad comes on the TV, I change the channel. I cannot even enjoy my "refuge" of the FoodNetwork and HGTV, usually free of those kinds of ads, because there are political ads there, now, too. It seems there is no escape. And so now the answer is that I cannot have the TV on, or listen to the radio, or read the newspaper. My world is getting smaller and smaller. Everything just seems so depressing, and not just the politics. It seems that we have just lost our way, it seems harder and harder to find truth and goodness in our society. It seems that anything goes- as long as it makes you "happy" then it's OK to go ahead and do it. Nothing is sacred- not our words or promises, not our relationships or our bodies.

Usually I am able to use bad news as an opportunity for prayer- I used to be able to pray for issues and people as I heard about them or read about them. But lately, that is difficult for me. I feel like I have been swallowed up by a "why bother?" attitude- it seems that praying does no good. While I know God is here and I know deep within me that He cares and He is soveriegn and in control of every situation, there is a part of me here in the day-to-day that doubts. I want to run and hide, to immerse myself in my own world and not come out.

I know that the answer to this is to do exactly the opposite of what I feel like doing: the more I feel like hiding, the more I need to run to the light. The more I feel like secluding myself from the world, the more I need to get out and help others and be a part of the solution. I wonder if this isn't part of my problem- I can pray and pray and pray for situations, which is good and God wants me to do- but I also have to do what I can to be part of the solution. God calls me to be His hands and feet here on the earth, and I must admit that lately I have fallen miserably short on that calling. It really is a vicious cycle- I am selfish, so I am not part of the good in the world, so I do not see what is good, so I feel hopeless and helpless, so I figure "why bother?", and so I am more selfish......

I know that I have not been called to be Mother Teresa, to sell everything I own to live in poverty. But surely I have been called to more than just living in my own little world. Today I am dropping off a donation at the local food bank. And I am calling someone whose life I really don't feel like getting involved in, but I know needs a lot of support right now. And I am praying, praying for what seems to be the most hopeless situations, with faith that if I never see the answer, God has heard my prayers and has answered in ways I may never know.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Worry says, "God is a wimp." Casting says, "God is all powerful." J. Jay Sanders

The LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17

Love bore our sins away;
Love gave us life anew;
Love opened wide the gates of heaven;
Love gave us work to do.
Ruth A. Atwell

Today as my remedy, I won't run away from the pain but I run to God. I embrace His promises, even though sometimes those promises seem hard for me to believe. I choose the Light.


  1. What a beautiful post...Amen! I have just discovered your blog and look forward to reading it regularly. I found it through your generous freebies (I am going to use your adorable Christmas bird)...thank you.

  2. What a great blog and I to fall short in this area. I agree with you about not watching tv and all right now. I am just so sick of all the corruption in our world and all the bad things that happen. People just don't care anymore about what they do and the price that others have to pay.

  3. Hi Jacquelynne,

    I've have felt like you are feeling~My mom gave me some really good advice, she said: "Go the whole day not asking the Lord for anything but thanking him the whole day and singing praises to him." (Even if it's forced)

    We all have times like these...By giving to others you are doing the right thing-But maybe you are on empty? Still do what you planned, It will make you feel better...Giving always does. :)

    I'm praying for you,

  4. Love the post, beautiful :)

    I saw that you entered a giveaway to win a Starbucks Gift Card and thought you would like my Giveaway!

    Im giving away 1 lb of Gourmet Coffee or Tea from my new online coffee shop: Get The Bean.

    We will be doing giveaways weekly so be sure to stop by often.


  5. Hello J!!

    The "world" is an evil place. Right now it seems that the government is too. But we are not of this world. We have a Savior and we need to pray for our leaders regardless of their "worldliness!" Satan wants to keep you down Miss J, so out loud tell that mean old sucker to leave you alone. Tell him you are a daughter of a king and to get out! I know it sounds crazy, but satan can't hear our thoughts but he can hear us when we tell him to flee. Pray the scriptures you have posted, aloud!!! Take the opportunity to pray for the people in the ads that they would see Jesus! There is always hope Dear J!

  6. What a wonderful post. I agree with you about not watching TV or listening to the radio. I'm so tired of all the lies..and it just keeps going on. This evil place is not our world anymore.


  7. It's good to know that I am not alone in my feelings right now. Some days the hopelessness overwhelms me. Sometimes, I feel like I pray more than I work.

    Thanks for a great post.


  8. It's always so nice to visit your blog.
    Please drop by my blog, there's an award for you .

  9. Oh, how I wish you were here and I could give you a hug. I will e-mail you privately with some thoughts. You are not alone. Some days, some times are just really hard. Did you know that Mother Teresa struggled with her faith on an almost constant basis? I will see if I can find an article I have on her and share it with you. More later. Sandi

  10. Wonderful thoughts. In these days of uncertainty and fear, I'm reminded of one of my favorite verses in Psalms:

    "If I say, 'Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be night,' even the darkness is not dark to You,
    And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You."
    Ps. 139:11-12
    Blessings to you!

  11. such a good reminder...hope is often found unexpectedly in the doing of the right thing when its the last thing you want to do!

    thanks for your thoughts on the blog...I don't think I am at the train station either. Good insight

  12. Just found your blog and am writing to let you know I've been there with the uneasy feeling. I don't listen to the news and rarely read the paper anymore. In the past when I've had those feeling I put on praise music. My fav was Brooklyn Tab Choir.

  13. Just read your touching post & this is my first visit to your blog (which is BEAUTIFUL!)
    Not sure how I found my way...but once I read your note~ I realize God brought me here! It is a very scary, difficult time in America. In many ways I'm very much looking forward to the negative advertising, etc. etc. for this 2 year presidential race to be over....but I worry that next Tuesday~ my real fears will begin. I hear you. God hears you. It is very difficult to be creative when so many stresses seem to be weighing heavily. As an artist...working from a home studio...I struggle with staying in my little 'nook'~ I LOVE the quiet of it all...I pray while I'm working~ He seems to use my art in ways that many others are touched. Your art is beautiful...I know it touches MANY!
    Wishing the best for you~

  14. God cares about all of these things too. He has a plan and we are a part of the working out of that plan.

    I hope that in reaching out you were blessed, but I am even more sure that God used you in someone else's life.

    Keep on seeking His face and Praising Him...He will bring you through!

    Now, I say all of that to myself as well...many days lately I need that "preaching" too.

    Isn't it great to know we serve a living, active, loving and allknowing God?

    Becky K.

  15. Oh how I needed to hear this too. We need to remember that HE is always in control. You are doing the right thing in doing the opposite that you feel. You go girl!! Thanks for this beautiful post.

  16. Ok, this comment may seem out of context, but I just read and saw the video link in the post above. I'm glad you are smiling again.
    For me, circumstances and the deluge of negative media can wreck havoc on my emotions and I can go from crying to laughing in a matter of minutes!
    My daily prayer is Philippians 4:11



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