I have been working (and working and working….) on my first e-book, called Child’s Play. In my newsletter, I advertised that it would be out “around February 21.” Boy, am I glad I wrote “around”! My daughter questioned me on that- “Shouldn’t we just say February 21?”
“No,” I told her. “Trust me. ‘Around’ is fine, and it is appropriate….”
Actually my original goal date was February 7, but I thought, I’ll give myself 2 extra weeks, that should be fine. More than enough time.
I keep coming up with ideas to make it better. I keep thinking of things to add. I want it to be just right. I won’t say I want it to be perfect- because I know that as soon as I hit the send button I will think of something else I should have done differently.
The truth is…. It’s just not ready yet, and I don’t want to put it out there simply to stay on schedule. I want it to be great. I want it to be, like, the best book you’ve ever read! OK so it’s not Shakespeare and I’m not Martha Stewart, but you know what I mean.
I am struggling to not put pressure on myself. Most of the stress that I feel every day is self-induced, based on expectations that I place on myself. I think of everything that I want to do and everything that I think I should do and everything I could do if only there were 10 more of me….. and I get so overwhelmed. Last night I was making a list of things that I “needed” to do by the end of the week, and I started to hyperventilate a little. How in the world was it all going to get done??? And then I stopped and asked myself- what will happen if you don’t get any of it done? Will the world end? Probably not. Will you get fired? (Only if I fire myself, which, trust me, has crossed my mind on occasion….) Will God or your family or friends stop loving you? Absolutely not.
Now, I do have things that would be prudent to take care of- for example, I have paid someone a rather large sum of money to help me build a new website. So I should work on that, so I don’t throw that money down the toilet. And I probably should try to get this book done in a reasonable amount of time…. But the world won’t stop spinning if I don’t. (And of course there’s the pressure of: once it’s done, will anybody actually buy it?? But that is angst for another day….)
So today I am taking myself out for lunch at a cute café with lovely salads and free wi-fi and I will probably just hang out. And I will probably get myself one of those fancy 4,000 calorie drinks (with whipped cream, thank you very much.)
And I won’t feel bad about it. Not one little bit. (OK, honestly, maybe I’ll feel a little guilty about it, but I’m working on that.)